Pasi
vandhaal pathum parandhodum
The title is a tamil saying which means when hunger comes, a person looses all good qualities.
The title is a tamil saying which means when hunger comes, a person looses all good qualities.
There are ten qualities which is not in my memory. Acham, madam, Naanam, payirppu are some of them. Fear, modesty, shyness, self-respect, integrity are some of them.
I did not like to tell lies. I was taught by my mother that this is a sin against God and humans. So, during my childhood I promised myself several times not to tell lies again. "Several times". You can see that it did not work out well.
Later on, I thought about my small lies (small or big, lie is a lie) and was ashamed. I use to reprimand literally aloud myself in privacy. Mostly my lies were around hunger and food. I was a hungry boy. Perhaps i felt the pangs of hunger more than other siblings because of my games. Especially the evening time is prime hungry time after play time.
We were 7 children. My sister Dorcus Gnanamathi, then all brothers: Kaiser Martin, James Peter, Thomas Ebenezer, Paul Jaganathan, Edward Daniel and Gamaliel.
We use to eat together for functional reasons. Better sharing of available rice when we eat at the same time. Normally it use to be rice and a sauce with vegetables or without. Sometimes we all pick spinach or greens from the nature and our mother cooks / or boils the spinach with some herbs and we eat this with big rice ball.
My constant hunger drove me crazy. I was longing for food so much. I use to stop in front of restaurants or sweet shops for long time trying to eat the savouries with my eyes. It did not work like that.
When i walk on road I use to dream that some rich family throws a food packet in front of me. I use to expect this when a car slows down or parked. There was never a package. I remember once I found a sweet which i consumed after washing it in the roadside water pipe.
It was strange to understand this hunger problem in comparison with my friend's family. I use to visit my friend Edward Sundararaj. There was sufficient food, snacks, drinks for the children. Their dresses were washed and creased always. Great attention for both children. Wilson and Edward. His parents were teachers in my school TELC Coronation Primary School. When my parents were also employed, i could not understand the difference. Perhaps too many children and too much quarrelling about God!
I found a trick to address my hunger problem. I use to go to wedding parties without invitation. Lot of rice, variety of vegetarian dishes, sweets etc. It was great. It worked out for a few years until I made a wrong choice.
It was a rich congressman's family wedding. Two of his children getting married on the same day. Huge lunch in my school building. In Indian weddings a crowd of 1000 guests is an ordinary crowd. Because this man is a politician, there were 3000 about crowd. This means people should eat in batches. There are no tables and chairs. There were special narrow mats specially designed for such parties. The host family will see that very important people eat first. I was impatient, I could not follow this protocol. I was in the first batch. This was a mistake.
Secondly, i had a crinkled shirt against the silk shirts, Dhoties etc. This is also a mistake.
Thirdly, most of the guests were of fair skinned and I was a short, dark skinned boy with crinkled dress but full of hunger for food. Another mistake!
Dishes were served, very special sweets, vegetable curries and water served. I was about to taste the sweet. A big, rich man stopped in front of me. Who are you?
Who am i in this wedding? I did not have an answer except I am an hungry boy. He held my collar and lifted me up and put me out of a small parapet wall. Everybody looking. My hunger gone. My qualities came back. My self respect took a beating. I was shattered. I did not get up. I bent down my head and buried between my legs. I was so ashamed. I was afraid people will know me as the son of Kalyani teacher. I was there until another poor boy taller than me and touched me. My eyes full of tears stood up and disappeared. I went home sat in a corner looking at walls, not able to cry. When my mother came I confessed her what has happened. She was praying for me and said its not wrong to go for this wedding, actually the people invite the public in a way. As usual she said, you are special boy. This family is not lucky enough to have you in the wedding. She said, you wait and see, they will have a curse. I didn't believe it. I knew she tries to console me. But within a few days one of the bride groom died. Then my mother reminded me of the curse. This could be a coincidence, I don't know. But I never went to any place without invitation. Even now, I have strange feelings while seated in a dinner party of Indian wedding. Lifetime lesson. That wedding was my "breaking-point" to gain or regain qualities. Less lies around hunger.
When i walk on road I use to dream that some rich family throws a food packet in front of me. I use to expect this when a car slows down or parked. There was never a package. I remember once I found a sweet which i consumed after washing it in the roadside water pipe.
It was strange to understand this hunger problem in comparison with my friend's family. I use to visit my friend Edward Sundararaj. There was sufficient food, snacks, drinks for the children. Their dresses were washed and creased always. Great attention for both children. Wilson and Edward. His parents were teachers in my school TELC Coronation Primary School. When my parents were also employed, i could not understand the difference. Perhaps too many children and too much quarrelling about God!
I found a trick to address my hunger problem. I use to go to wedding parties without invitation. Lot of rice, variety of vegetarian dishes, sweets etc. It was great. It worked out for a few years until I made a wrong choice.
It was a rich congressman's family wedding. Two of his children getting married on the same day. Huge lunch in my school building. In Indian weddings a crowd of 1000 guests is an ordinary crowd. Because this man is a politician, there were 3000 about crowd. This means people should eat in batches. There are no tables and chairs. There were special narrow mats specially designed for such parties. The host family will see that very important people eat first. I was impatient, I could not follow this protocol. I was in the first batch. This was a mistake.
Secondly, i had a crinkled shirt against the silk shirts, Dhoties etc. This is also a mistake.
Thirdly, most of the guests were of fair skinned and I was a short, dark skinned boy with crinkled dress but full of hunger for food. Another mistake!
Dishes were served, very special sweets, vegetable curries and water served. I was about to taste the sweet. A big, rich man stopped in front of me. Who are you?
Who am i in this wedding? I did not have an answer except I am an hungry boy. He held my collar and lifted me up and put me out of a small parapet wall. Everybody looking. My hunger gone. My qualities came back. My self respect took a beating. I was shattered. I did not get up. I bent down my head and buried between my legs. I was so ashamed. I was afraid people will know me as the son of Kalyani teacher. I was there until another poor boy taller than me and touched me. My eyes full of tears stood up and disappeared. I went home sat in a corner looking at walls, not able to cry. When my mother came I confessed her what has happened. She was praying for me and said its not wrong to go for this wedding, actually the people invite the public in a way. As usual she said, you are special boy. This family is not lucky enough to have you in the wedding. She said, you wait and see, they will have a curse. I didn't believe it. I knew she tries to console me. But within a few days one of the bride groom died. Then my mother reminded me of the curse. This could be a coincidence, I don't know. But I never went to any place without invitation. Even now, I have strange feelings while seated in a dinner party of Indian wedding. Lifetime lesson. That wedding was my "breaking-point" to gain or regain qualities. Less lies around hunger.
